Murphy’s Laws of Federal Hiring
March 30, 2010
By Linda Brooks Rix
Murphy was, in military parlance, a grunt. His observations about combat are legendary, and any time there’s a miss, it’s easy to see how “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” describes it perfectly. If Murphy were around to see the quagmire built around federal hiring, we’re pretty sure he’d have a simple and effective way to describe it. Here is our adaptation of Murphy’s Laws of Combat applied to Federal hiring – offered in the spirit of good humor and some fun.
#1. Two thirds of the time spent making a hiring decision is used to justify the person already pre-selected. You can always tell because the job posting will say something restrictive like this real life example, which states that only “Current Permanent DeCA Civilian Employees within the Fort Sam Houston Commuting Area” should apply. As in, only current Federal employees, of the Defense Commissary Agency, in permanent (not temporary) positions, that work in the commuting area of Fort Sam Houston area may apply. Wow. If a job posting communicates criteria that restrictive, shouldn’t they just give it to the employee they want in it? Why create the illusion of competition and waste everyone’s time? Because many times the rules say they have to post the job, even when there is a strong internal candidate.
Advice: Learn to read between the lines and pay attention to what the government calls “Area of Consideration” so you can see when restrictive criteria is being used and decide whether or not you meet the criteria or want to invest your time in applying. Remember, on any given day, 50% to 60% of all Federal job postings are restricted to internal candidates.
#2. The ideal job for you would offer higher pay, interesting work, fun coworkers, telecommuting options, or was filled just before you found out about it. (Pick one.) Remember the adage that perfect is the enemy of good. The ideal job, that meets all your wish list items, is unlikely to materialize in a random job posting.
Advice: Pick an agency whose mission you love and get in. Work it from there. See Law #1 – be that person. If the job search site you use allows you to set preferences for email notifications, do it. That way, you won’t be the last to know when a job posting hits.
#3. If your résumé can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that disqualifies you. On the surface, tossing your résumé into the pool looks easy and efficient. You just have to remember that it also throws you to the mercy of the HR gods. That’s one reason why it is important to feed the gods what they really seek – clear, easy to find, complete information. To do that, you have to submit whatever they ask for in the job announcement and do your homework. Most folks would deny this but it is better if your résumé is 100% buzzword compliant.
Advice: Fill out the application completely. If you’re asked for “proof documents” like your military discharge papers or college transcript, provide them at the time you apply. You’d be surprised how many people get tossed out just because the paperwork isn’t perfect. You won’t be able to make that up – before you know it, someone else will get the job offer and you won’t even know why your application didn’t make it up the chain.
#4. If you are not thoroughly confused after reading a Federal job posting, you have not read it thoroughly. Much has been discussed about streamlining job information in Federal job postings. Years ago, back in 2003, a key agency, the Merit Systems Protection Board, recommended a streamlined vacancy announcement. Pretty much everyone thought that was a great idea. Unfortunately, applicant evaluation processes relied heavily on carefully worded, complex announcements that contain a list of all the information you MUST submit. This is in the old-fashioned public notice job posting – which is infamous for going on for pages and pages. The process by which your résumé will be evaluated and you will move forward relies a great deal on the perceived “completeness” of your application. If your application is deemed incomplete, you can be disqualified no matter how terrific your actual job qualifications are. See Law #3.
Advice: Read the fine print to keep yourself in the running and don’t be deceived by oratory to the contrary. If a Federal employer claims you can just send in a résumé, read the public notice job posting twice.
Murphy has a famous law - Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases. As applied to Federal hiring, #5. Federal hiring math: 1 full-time HR specialist equals one new hire a month – data from the US Office of Personnel Management (the people in charge of all this). This equals a whopping 12 new hires a year per HR specialist. Programs designed to improve Federal hiring trend toward measuring process not result, and measuring the process is not necessarily improving the result.
Advice: So, be prepared for the “quiet period” during which your carefully worded, impeccably complete, buzzword compliant, résumé or job application is evaluated, and you get to move forward. No matter what your career coach tells you, calling every week to find out the status of your résumé or application will not speed the process and will not move your résumé to the top of the pile.
This leads us to #6 (directly from Murphy’s Laws of Combat), the important things are always simple; the simple things are always hard; and the easy way is always mined.
Applying for any job is a competitive process – game on.
Advice: The Federal government currently has over 300,000 vacant positions and hired 302,000 new employees in fiscal year 2008 and another 225,830 in the first three quarters of fiscal year 2009. Don’t give up – one of these jobs might be perfect for you.
Many thanks to the website www.murphys-laws.com for the inspiration to write this piece.
Linda Brooks Rix is Co-CEO of Avue Technologies, a leader in providing human capital management solutions to the Federal Government (www.avuetech.com).
